A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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