A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
