My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
