I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
