booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
