oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
