final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize