If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Welp...herpes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
