I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
