it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize