You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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