so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
