so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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