When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize