I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
