I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
