all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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