please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
