This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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