I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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