When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
