Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
