I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
