So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've blown a few things in my day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish there were birth control emojis
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
