You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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