i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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