I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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