your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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