wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
