if i can run in heels then i can drive
Who did Billy Mays play for?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
