I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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