Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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