You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
