I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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