Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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