So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
