He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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