I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
