Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
