she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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