Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she looked like the before picture.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
