yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
