You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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