I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
