I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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