How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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