I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
