The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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