we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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