If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize