Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
