The maid of honor just puked.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
