i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize