Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize