If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
