M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
