I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize