My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
