If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
