Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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