The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
