Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We smell like vodka and hangover
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
