i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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