You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
