WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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