last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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