At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
