I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
