Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
