Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
